The Wind Phone and Beyond: Ritual Tools ThatHelp Families Grieve
I. The Phone That Doesn’t Ring
In a quiet coastal garden in Ōtsuchi, Japan, stands a glass booth with a disconnected rotary phone. No dial tone. Yet thousands come each year. They lift the receiver and speak: to parents, to children, to spouses lost in the tsunami of 2011.
“I talk to my son. I tell him I’m trying. I ask if he’s proud of me.” — Visitor to the Wind Phone, NHK
This is not delusion. It is ritual. And in grief, ritual becomes medicine that heals.
In hospice, we guide families through death. After the final breath, many still search for a way to stay connected. Grief doesn’t follow logic. It follows presence. Symbolic tools like the Wind Phone make that presence possible.
II. A Daughter Speaks, A Son Falls Silence
This happens well beyond Japan.
A daughter whose mother died on hospice after breast cancer told me: “I still talk to her… in the backyard. I planted a tree where she used to sit so I can hear her while I garden.”
It is a common ritual. Choose a sacred spot. Carry on the conversation.
But I have also seen the opposite. A son sat across from me months after his father’s death. He had no ritual, no place to speak. “I just stopped talking,” he admitted. The silence became a wound.
III. The Science of Symbolic Grief
Grief therapy no longer urges people to “move on”. It helps them stay connected with meaning. This is the continuing bonds model, now central to bereavement work. Adaptive bonds such as symbolic objects or rituals foster healthier adjustment. Maladaptive, rigid bonds may prolong distress (Field et al., 2005; Keser & Işıklı, 2022; Sekowski & Prigerson, 2022).
“Strong continuing bonds predict fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety, and complicated grief.” — Field et al., Death Studies, 2005
Rituals are common and effective in grief interventions, whether symbolic expression, dialogue with the deceased, or farewell ceremonies. They are associated with meaningful symptom reduction (Wojtkowiak et al., 2020).
fMRI research shows that symbolic acts like speaking aloud or touching a memory object activate emotion regulation pathways in the brain (Kühn et al., 2013). This is science, reinforced by international research and U.S. guidelines.
NHPCO and CAPC both recommend structured memory-making and symbolic support as standard hospice care.
IV. Three Tools That Let Grief Speak
Tactile Legacy Tools
Memory bears, quilts, grief stones
Anchor memory through physical presence
Support both children and adults in early bereavement
Research confirms these tools are valued. Memory-making activities help families feel comforted in early grief (Goldstein et al., 2020; Riegel et al., 2023). Prolonged grief therapy often incorporates tactile rituals as therapeutic anchors (Rosner et al., 2021).
Ritual Communication Tools
Wind phones, empty chairs, letters to the deceased
Give form to invisible emotions
Allow grief to speak when words feel stuck
Mixed-method studies show that personalized rituals, such as a chair in the backyard, often hold more significance than formal remembrance events (Vale-Taylor, 2009).
Legacy-Making Practices
Video booths, recorded messages, legacy journals
Prepare memory before the loss
Integrate legacy into anticipatory grief
A simple way to remember: T.R.L. = Tactile, Ritual, Legacy. Three categories that let grief speak.
“Legacy work is not extra. It is emotional symptom control.” — Brian H. Black, D.O.
V. What Hospice Teams Can Offer
We do not need to invent rituals. We need to notice them and make space.
Ask:
• “Would it help to create something to remember them?”
• “Do you want a way to keep talking to them?”
Offer:
• A blank journal, a scrap of clothing, or a simple recorder
• A moment to write, speak, or listen
• Language that invites, not instructs
Always invite, never assign. These tools only help when they fit each person’s culture, beliefs, and story.
Support (IDG Roles):
• Chaplains: “Sometimes an object or ritual can make this moment sacred. Would you like to create one together?”
• Social Workers: “Some families keep a quilt or stone as a memory touchpoint. Would that help here?”
• Nurses, NPs, PAs, Physicians: “It is normal to keep talking to them.”
When we say, “We are still here,” symbolic grief tools help prove it.
VI. Let Grief Speak
You do not need signal to reach the people you have lost.
You already have a connection. It may now live in a tree by a garden, a folded quilt, or a phone that no longer rings. But they all still listen.
We do not resolve grief by explaining it. We honor it by naming the relationship that endures.
Let families speak. The dead still matter.
When we help families name rituals, we steady their tears and our own.
Grief needs a voice. Help families speak, even if it is the wind that answers.
Summary (3-2-1 Format)
3 Key Insights
Rituals and symbolic tools are evidence-based grief interventions, not sentimental extras.
Grief is a continuing relationship, not a stage to finish.
Hospice teams can normalize and introduce these tools as part of interdisciplinary care.
2 Actionable Ideas
Create a grief toolbox with journaling, audio, and tactile prompts.
Ask families, before death, what legacy or message they want to hold.
1 Compassionate Call to Action
Grief needs a voice. Let families speak—even if no one answers on the other line.
Bibliography
Field, N. P., Gao, B., & Paderna, L. (2005). Continuing bonds in bereavement: An attachment theory based perspective. Death Studies, 29(4), 277–299. https://doi.org/10.1080/07481180590923689
Goldstein, R. D., Petty, C. R., Morris, S. E., et al. (2020). Transitional objects of grief. Comprehensive Psychiatry, 98, 152161. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.comppsych.2020.152161
Vale-Taylor, P. (2009). “We will remember them”: A mixed-method study to explore which post-funeral remembrance activities are most significant and important to bereaved people living with loss, and why those particular activities are chosen. Palliative Medicine, 23(6), 537–544. https://doi.org/10.1177/0269216309103803
Weaver, M. S., Nasir, A., Lord, B. T., Starin, A., & Linebarger, J. S. (2023). Supporting the family after the death of a child or adolescent. Pediatrics, 152(6), e2023064426. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2023-064426
Wojtkowiak, J., Lind, J., & Smid, G. E. (2020). Ritual in therapy for prolonged grief: A scoping review of ritual elements in evidence-informed grief interventions. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 11, 623835.
Glossary
Continuing Bonds (new) – A grief model that views ongoing emotional connection with the deceased as normal and often healing. Rituals, memory objects, and symbolic acts help families integrate loss without the pressure to “move on.”
Symbolic Grief Tools (new) – Objects or rituals that give form to loss and allow grief to speak. Examples include quilts, grief stones, wind phones, and letters. They act as anchors for memory, presence, and meaning-making.
Legacy Work (updated) – Activities that preserve memory or meaning for families before and after death. More than an optional add-on, legacy work functions as emotional symptom control, shaping how grief is carried into the future.
Wind Phone (new) – A glass booth in Ōtsuchi, Japan, with a disconnected rotary phone. After the 2011 tsunami, thousands visited to “call” loved ones who had died. It has become a global symbol of ritual communication and continuing bonds in grief.
